Notice: Use of undefined constant HTTP_USER_AGENT - assumed 'HTTP_USER_AGENT' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 6 Notice: Use of undefined constant REMOTE_ADDR - assumed 'REMOTE_ADDR' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 11 Notice: Use of undefined constant REMOTE_ADDR - assumed 'REMOTE_ADDR' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 15 Warning: fopen(logs/access.txt): failed to open stream: Permission denied in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 116 Notice: Undefined index: HTTP_REFERER in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 117 Warning: fputs() expects parameter 1 to be resource, boolean given in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 117 Warning: fclose() expects parameter 1 to be resource, boolean given in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 118 Warning: fopen(logs/agent.txt): failed to open stream: Permission denied in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 120 Warning: fputs() expects parameter 1 to be resource, boolean given in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 121 Warning: fclose() expects parameter 1 to be resource, boolean given in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 122 Notice: Use of undefined constant REQUEST_URI - assumed 'REQUEST_URI' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 21 Notice: Undefined offset: 2 in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 28 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Undefined index: isbn in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 557 Notice: Use of undefined constant date - assumed 'date' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 350 Notice: Use of undefined constant ppin - assumed 'ppin' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 351 Notice: Use of undefined constant type - assumed 'type' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 352 Notice: Use of undefined constant series - assumed 'series' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 353 Notice: Use of undefined constant length - assumed 'length' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 354 Notice: Use of undefined constant ppin - assumed 'ppin' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 355 Notice: Undefined variable: noimg in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 270 Notice: Undefined variable: noimg in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 287 Notice: Use of undefined constant ppin - assumed 'ppin' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 361 Notice: Use of undefined constant ppin - assumed 'ppin' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 394 Notice: Use of undefined constant pragma - assumed 'pragma' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 394 Psi Phi: Notice: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 400 #47: Creative Couplings, Book One [Star Trek Books Database]

Psi Phi's Star Trek Books Database



Notice: Use of undefined constant title - assumed 'title' in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 444 #47: Creative Couplings, Book One


Previous: #46: Spin
Next: #48: Creative Couplings, Book Two
Star Trek: S.C.E.
eBook / January, 2005
XSCE000047

Notice: Undefined offset: 1 in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 642 Notice: Undefined offset: 1 in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 642

Written by Glenn Hauman and Aaron Rosenberg

Notice: Undefined variable: front in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 454

Excerpt:

Captain Gold contemplated the phaser.

A marvelous invention, the handheld phaser. What sort of engineering wizardry could produce an item that could generate a non-thermal stunner that worked on almost any life form with no major aftereffects anda thermal beam, useful for heating up rocks or cups of coffee when set on low and hot enough to cut through starship hulls on high and a deathray, leaving a unscorched corpse for relatives to weep over and a no-mess no-fuss hygieno-disintegrator, causing its victims to glow red and simply vanish, leaving behind no searing-hot clouds of remains, organic or otherwise?

He supposed that it had been created for occurrences just like this, when he had to efficiently deal with multiple annoyances in a variety of ways. His only question was whether he was going to be able to adjust settings fast enough before he was overcome.

First, there was the Klingon behind the wooden desk that sat at the center of the large room on the top floor of the Klingon embassy to Earth: Ambassador Lantar, charming as a shaved targ, and not all that dissimilar in appearance. He was not so much pushy as most Klingons were, but more oily, more solicitous. For some reason, this got under Gold's skin more. He was going on about the proper forms of protocol involved for a Klingon wedding, and how it was particularly crucial to follow all the parts of the ceremony, especially with such important people involved.

Gold was wondering how Lantar came to all his good press as a diplomat; he had come to the conclusion that all of his so-called confidence and firm hand in negotiations was actually pomposity, he simply expected to be heeded without question. How the Klingon Empire chose someone with an ego like a black hole to be ambassador to the Federation was beyond him. Gold desperately wanted to put the phaser on disintergrate for him, but he'd content himself with the scorchless corpse option--there would have to be a state funeral.

Standing to Lantar's left behind the desk was his son Khor. He was looking even more uncomfortable than usual for someone who was about to be married. He spent at least half of his time looking at his father, hoping to get some form of response out of him. Lantar studiously avoided looking at him, an act wholly in keeping with a diplomat trying to avoid any show of favoritism and completely wrong for a caring father. Gold thought that stunning him would be a mercy, but then he remembered that it was Khor's suggestion that a military wedding would satisfy the necessary honor involved, and that Captain Gold should perform it. He'd use the heat setting on him, make him suffer a bit.

Khor was spending much of the rest of his time trying to catch the eye of Esther Silver, his intended and Captain Gold's granddaughter, seated on the other side of Lantar's desk on Gold's right. Esther was having no part of Khor's ocular pleading. She was being the most argumentative with Lantar, compensating for her small stature with enough volume to be heard from orbit, astroacoustics be damned. She was insisting that she have a nice Jewish wedding. Moreover, that the wedding would be performed by Captain Gold's wife, Rabbi Rachel Gilman. Stun setting for her.

And then, seated to Gold's left, there was Rachel. Love of his life, fire of his loins, meaning of his very existence, quietly and firmly insisting that if she was going to be involved with the ceremony, the canons of Jewish law had to be followed to the letter. Stun setting for her. Maybe. Then he'd have to change settings to fight his way out of the Klingon Embassy, and then the court-martial for attacking Federation allies, and then--

"Captain Gold, are we boring you?"

The direct address snapped him out of his reverie. "No, Ambassador. I'm sorry--I was thinking on a matter of weaponry that's been giving me agita for some time, and I suddenly had an inspiration on how to deal with the problem--but it probably won't work." Using the heat setting to cut a hole in the floor to escape wasn't going to work either, if Lantar had already noticed his attention wandering a bit.

"Captain, I must insist that you take this matter seriously! After all, you are being honored by Khor's request that you perform this ceremony, but you must perform the appropriate rituals to properly--"

"Just a moment, Lantar," Esther said. "I keep telling you that some of the elements of a traditional Klingon wedding conflict with Jewish law--"

Khor snorted at just the wrong time.

"And what are you sniffing at, you big lummox?" Esther fixed him with a stare that could shut down a warp core.

"How dare you speak to my son that way?"

"Father! I can--"

"Can what?" Lantar, Rachel, and Esther spoke almost simultaneously, and glared at each other even more viciously.

Oy, Gold thought to himself. If they knocked heads any harder, the resulting implosion would suck all the air out of the room.

"The dignity of my House and the honor of the Klingon Empire must be maintained!" Lantar's skin was beginning to darken.

"I still don't see how having ice sculptures at the reception is a violation of your dignity," Rachel said.

Lantar glared at Rachel. "If you think such frivolity has a place in a wedding, then clearly you do not understand the Klingon heart."

"She understands the Klingon heart, Father. At least, she understands mine."

Esther, in turn, glared at her fiancé. "Khor, if you think that trying to sweet talk me is going to get me to reduce the number of bridesmaids I'm bringing, it's not going to work."

No, I'm just not as fast as I used to be. He'd never be able to switch settings fast enough. He supposed he could try stunning them all, then disintegrate as needed.

He remembered that one could also set a hand phaser to overload, which would cause it to explode in about ten seconds, killing everybody within a few meters. He was concerned about leaving the da Vinci without a captain, then realized that Starfleet could do far worse than to leave the ship in the hands of Sonya Gomez, and was comforted.

Copyright © 2005 Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved.

Notice: Undefined variable: notes in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 455



Click image for
a larger version
Notice: Undefined variable: excerpt_link in /home/davidh/psiphi.org/cgi/upc-db.php on line 470

Navigation:
Main
Search

Discuss




Powered by ISBDB, Copyright © 1999-2008 Psi Phi