Over on LiveJournal, there's a rather silly meme going around, "If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would your first thought be?" I even perpetuated it. One of the replies I made to another person's posting was, I thought, a rather good piece of writing (at least for me), and since nobody but the person to whose instance of the meme would ever see it otherwise, I've decided to post it here, with a few minor modifications related to this person's identity, such as changing people's names and how I know her, and expanding it just a bit. So, without further ado, here's "If I woke up with Alice".
At first, it seemed a morning like any other. But that feeling didn't last long, as I sensed a difference... and a rather major one at that.
Is there someone else in my bed? Why is there someone else in my bed? Who is that? Where are my glasses? I reached for my glasses on the headboard, and put them on. Is that a girl? Is this a dream? A quick pinch on the arm revealed that it wasn't. Ow! Okay, not a dream. Hallucination? I gently poked the figure next to me. Well, she feels real. Funny... the first time I wake up with someone next to me, and it's a girl! This is weird.
Wait a minute. I realized that I knew her from somewhere, and began trying to figure out where. Being out of context didn't help things. Psi Phi? No, that's not right. I continued thinking of places I might know her from, when something clicked and I realized who it was. Alice? That's odd. When did she get back to Peoria? And more importantly, what's she doing here?!
Did I get drunk last night? I don't remember that. The chances were extremely low, since I'd tried a total of three drinks in my life, and two of those I didn't like at all. Then again, if somehow I'd found an alcoholic beverage that I liked, I suppose it wouldn't have taken a whole lot to get me drunk, since I hadn't built up a tolerance to it. Okay, no, I'm analyzing this much too coherently to have been drunk last night. At least, unless I'm somehow immune to hangovers.
Has somebody set me up for a practical joke? Is there somebody with a camera hiding in my closet? How could they have gotten the key? Joel did return the key when he moved back to the dorms, didn't he? Yes, I'm sure he did. I got it back at the Psi Phi meeting a couple weeks ago. But he doesn't even know anybody I study with, let alone anybody I used to study with, so there's no reason he would've given them a copy of it. I thought about the house, and realized another possibility. Did I lock the side door? I used it to get into the garage when Joe came over to change the oil filter in my car, but did I lock it again? I think so. So practical joke didn't seem likely.
But that's beside the point. The point is that there's a female in my bed, somebody I know but who lives several states away, and I have no idea how she got here. Oh my... did we...? I trailed off, unable to even complete the thought. That would just be too weird. What would I tell Bart? Even if he wouldn't have a problem with it, I would. My sense of humor kicked in then, and I whimsically thought, Hmm, if we did, would that mean I'm straight now? I gave it a quick ponder, and decided Nope, nope... I still like guys.
Just then, Alice stirred next to me. Uh-oh, what do I do? Should I be all like "What are you doing here?"? Greet her with a smile? Or pretend I'm asleep and see what she does? Yeah, that's probably best. I closed my eyes, but quickly realized that wouldn't be sufficient to fool anyone. I'll need to take my glasses back off or she'll know I'm awake. I can't move too much, though, or that will just rouse her sooner. Careful... careful... I slowly, and very delicately, removed my glasses and placed them back on the headboard above me. Okay, I need to slow my breathing. Calm down. Relax. That's it.
I'll figure it out. Eventually.
davidh
no replies: